Crazy/Beautiful

20 Things

...I would like to tell certain people but probably won't:

1. Who the hell are you?

2. Huwag kayong mag-malinis.

3. Why won't you call me?

4. Don't stand so close to me.

5. I know what you did.

6. Bayaran mo na ko.

7. Lagi na lang ikaw.

8. Bakit ang feeling mo?

9. I had a dream about you.

10. Huwag kang "ke-gao" (Chinese for "know-it-all")

11. Your silence is killing me.

12. Bagal mo naman.

13. Tingnan mo kung anong napala mo.

14. Di ka ba kinikilabutan so ginagawa mo?

15. You should end it now.

16. Wala kang mapapala diyan.

17. I told you so.

18. Why do I get the feeling na pinaplastikan mo ko?

19. How dare you...

20. I still love you....

Goodbye, Teri. I'll see you one day.

A dear friend, former co-Mad Scientist and co-servant in Christ, Teri Tolosa has gone with the Lord last night after losing her battle with cancer for 2 years. Anyone who has known Teri will see her tremendous passion for the Lord and His Kingdom, serving him through the Singles Ministry and ACTS Theatre Ministry in CCF. A single mom, Teri was a wonderful parent to Karen, a loving sister to Kathy and Gerald and a faithful daughter to her mom. Teri was well-loved by her family and friends in CCF St. Francis. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, her friends rushed to organize fund-raising concerts called "We Love You, Teri" at Merk's in Greenbelt 3. She went on remission for a short while where she got even more involved in theater and the singles ministry. She also ministered to other people who were battling the same disease. Her life is characterized by her great love for the Lord which shone through her faithfulness in ministry, pouring out her life to others. She experienced the Father's tender mercies and so she was able to give to others what she received immensely even though she was going through her own difficulties in life.

Teri was a deeply creative person. She loved theater and music. After one Mad Science show in Enchanted Kingdom, Teri and I would talk a lot about Christian artists and her dreams of creating a musical. This almost came to fruition last year through a play she co-produced with another CCFer called "The Shepherd King" but unfortunately did not push through despite plans already well along the way. She was part of Genesis Entertainment having managed a number of Christian recording artists like Roxanne Barcelo under her helm and has taught in children's workshops for theater. She was part of the cast of "Why Women Wash Dishes" in her own benefit show last year.

Teri truly enjoyed life. She traveled a lot, dived a lot, laughed a lot. Even when she was in pain, she was still pleasant. When I visited her last Friday in Cardinal, she met my Raffy (my boyfriend for a year now) for the 1st time. She managed a "Hi, Raffy" and a smile although her voice was barely a whisper. Touching her arm even lightly was so painful for her since her lymph nodes were already removed. Many people from CCF visited and had kept themselves from breaking down in tears. She looked so frail, so far from the vibrant, energetic, funny Teri that we know. We stayed for only ten minutes because she needed to rest. As I left, I told her "I love you. ". She said "I love you, too". I'll see you soon, I thought.

Yesterday morning, I got a text that the doctors increased their morphine dosage and that her family had decided that she would not be resuscitated should her body fail. I prayed for her whenever I could the whole day. I did not pray that she would get healed but that she would feel the peace of God during the most painful moments. I knew that it would be a miracle if she overcame this in 24 hours. My sister who visits her at least once a week, went to the hospital one last time after work but was not allowed to go in anymore. Around 10 pm, Dad took her home.

Teri's lived a good, abundant life as promised by Jesus to those who have come to believe in him. Being a single mom and raising a daughter, she had many challenges, especially financial ones. Nevertheless, the Lord came through for her every single time. She never wavered in her faith. Even in the end, God was still glorified in her life. Her sister Kathy said that never once did Teri complain to God when the cancer was getting to her. She knew that the Lord did not promise a pain-free life. He himself endured much pain. What He promised was He will be with her no matter what happens. "Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning", sings the Psalmist. The morning has now come for Teri. And the Father will wipe every tear in her eye.

I will see you soon, dear sister. Say HI to Dad for me.

Manila is not cheap

Note: this blog is also found in website: http://rubycube.multiply.com/journal/item/120

My best friend Isabelle and her American husband Robert visited us a few weeks ago. It was a short but lovely time spent with them. We did the usual stuff whenever Isabelle's in town, eat and shop. One thing that Robert noticed about Manila was the cost of living here is not cheap, in terms of food and clothing.

And I realized, OO NGA no! When I was working as an employee in Makati, I didn't feel the pinch. I guess that's because I'm single and living with my parents and not a breadwinner. Now that my lifestyle has changed drastically, I started to become more conscious of where my money's been going (I still have my days though).

When I was working in Makati, I'd spend about P200-250 a day for food and parking. I have not computed my gasoline expenses yet. Since I did not have a car park space alloted for me, I'd spend between P70-120 per day. A meal would be P70 on average. Eh dalawang beses ako kumakain sa labas sa isang araw. Can you do the math? There was also a time when I went to starbucks almost everyday because I was after their planner and I had to complete 21 stamps in my card. Each drink I order would be between P85 and P140. But that time, I wasn't paying for parking naman cuz I got to squat  in my friend's parking space in the next building  until finally the guards caught me and  posted a memo on my windshield telling me to see their administrator. Needless to say, I did not go back.

Anyway, the point was, I spent so much money on food and other essentials. Buti na lang my salary then was way above minimum wage. Hindi naman ganon kataasan but it was more than enough.

Now that I'm on my own, I'm more aware of where every peso from wallet goes. Since I don't generate stable income yet, I have to live as cheaply as I can and make sure my funds don't go to non-essential expenses.

My friend Cathy shared this principle with me. (Actually, it was her friend who studied in the UK who shared it with me.) It's called the Starbucks principle, UK version. In the UK, a cup of starbucks coffee is about 3 pounds (can't find a pound sign in my keyboard). If the exchange rate is 1 pound is to 100 pesos, that's an exorbitant price for a cup of coffee, right? But then that's also what minimum wage earners make in an hour so to the Brits, Starbucks is just okay. But here in the Philippines, the minimum wage is P362. And although Starbucks coffee is priced cheaper here, a min. wage worker here ends up spending almost half of his day's wages for a frappuccino or iced latte. Grabe no?

Robert commented also that the prices of clothing here don't differ much from the retailers in the US. Example (mine, not Robert's): Grab jeans P3795 or almost P4000. That's like $90! Nowadays, you can't find a nice pair of jeans of good quality that's below P500. For me, I've been so used to buying imported jeans since I can't find local ones that fit me well. Well, actually, meron akong Bayo but that one was like P1,300. Mahal pa rin.

I'm kinda done with clothes. Now we go to another favorite topic of mine which is food.

I've been eating in SM foodcourt for the last 3 weeks or so. May favorite kasi dun ako ngayon, yung Korean Barbecue Express. I only order ONE thing: Beef Ribs Stew for P99. Ok na rin yung serving and I have no cause for complaint. And if you know me, you know that I want to eat something sweet after every meal. So I noticed this BUKO kiosk, another concept from the guy who came out with the smoothie kiosk FRUITAS. This BUKO station puts their desserts inside coconut shells (para cute diba?). Their buko pandan is priced at P49. Before, I would have qualms about this price but that time, I was more concerned about not being able to finish the whole thing. Ok lang yung P49 kung may kasama akong kumain. When I asked if they have smaller servings, the guy in the stand said NO. So I went to the next stall which was called the Mango Farm. I spent around P50 for a mango shake with milk and tapioca. Ok na rin.

Yesterday, after Glorious Hope, Raffy and I ate at the SM foodcourt again. I was craving for the munggo (the soup) at Kamay Kainan (Yes, I eat munggo, galunggong and other probinsyano fare, thanks to my parents). Raffy got food from Bodhi. Since may kasama na ko, I checked out the BUKO stall again. I couldn't forget the picture of Buko Pandan inside a coconut shell. I figured it would be safe to buy na because I have someone to share my dessert with (and hence, split the calories). I told the BUKO guy that I would like to order one buko pandan. Since he was busy preparing another's order, I told him I'll just come back for mine. Since Raffy finished eating ahead of me, I asked him to claim our order.

Imagine my disappointment when the Buko Pandan turned out to be green and red gulaman and kaong in milky, icy water with a few strips of coconut. Think of halo halo whose crushed ice had melted with the milk and sugar. Sobrang olats talaga. I could have gotten a halo halo from Chowking (which I don't really like) and would have been less disappointed. It doesn't take a food expert to know what a good buko pandan tastes like. Good buko pandan should be creamy at the very least. Sobrang nainis lang ako sa inorder ko but then I didn't wanna ruin my day by bitching continuously about my unfortunate dessert experience so I let it go na.

When I met with Marie and Joan that afternoon, I warned them about going to that BUKO stall and shared my experience although in a less irritated manner.

Marie observed: "Bakit ganon? We're willing to pay naman but we don't get what we paid for?". Then she recounted our experience at Josephine's in Tagaytay where we were served with Ginataang Tilapia and was charged P250 or so for the fish that weighed less than 400 grams. And I also remembered how there were so many waiters that day but we had to ask for water 3 times before somebody served us water. Buti nalang we were in such good spirits that day we did not complain. She also noticed that some waiters there weren't really doing anything but continued to ignore our requests. Sa sobrang inis ko, I did not leave a tip.

My sister who got back from Iloilo after living there for more than a year said that the dining experience in Iloilo is so different from Manila. Here, we pay for the place, not the food while in Iloilo, you get what you pay for. If I remember correctly, the Mang Inasal Chicken there costs P50 with rice and drink na while the Bacolod Chicken Inasal Petso is almost P80. Wala pang rice yun. I remembered last June 15 when I had my last merienda with my officemates Ron and Mykee in BCI Paseo Center. Ron ordered a bowl of pancit molo. Being a daughter of an Ilonggo, I've had a taste of the real deal since I was little therefore, I knew what it's supposed to look like and I wasn't craving for it. Birthdays and Christmas Parties in Iloilo are not complete without Pancit Molo. Going back to Ron, he was so disappointed when he got his pancit molo. One order costs P85 and what it contained was 4 pieces of the molo dumpling. That's it. Eh di sana bumili na lang si Ron ng siomai sa St Francis, 4 pcs P25 lang. He was so bitin Mykee gave him her puto pao.

Kakainis no?

Well, you know me and how I feel about food and customer service. I sure hope that BUKO owner gets to read this blog entry.

Another reason why I like Terence Howard

Aside from the fact that he's gorgeous, stylish and extremely talented, Terence and I share the same views on modesty.

He was interviewed in InStyle (the one with Kate Winslet on the cover this year) and look at what he said:

"Women's fashion seems to have gone too far. Women have lost their modesty. They shouldn't be showing half their bosom to the world. I find modesty attractive. Some of the greatest people on this planet don't blow their own horns, They're just there. Like Oprah. She doesn't talk about how much power she has; she's just Oprah. She's got a great figure and she dresses appropriately. She's always a great role model."

Starlets at ang mga wala nang career, take note.

No Other Name

Acts 4:12 (New International Version)

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.

Have you ever had a dream where you were also dreaming? I had one last night.

And it was scary.

I fell asleep around 11 pm after texting some people about their orders and confirming them. I had also half-read a chapter in Isaiah.

Then I had a bad dream. I don't remember what it was but I had a weird feeling. Usually, I would have tried to wake myself up but like reading a novel, I wanted to see what the ending would be like.

Then I saw myself sleeping in my room with my bedside lamp on (This is the part where I dreamt I was dreaming). I thought my sister had come into my room as I had seen a hazy figure of a girl. But then the figure was transparent. The figure went beside my bed and started murmuring. I could not understand what it was saying. At this point, I really wanted to wake up. I already knew that I should start to call on the name of Jesus. So I did. But no voice came out of my mouth. I couldn't say it out loud but I kept saying it in my head until finally I managed to whisper Jesus' name. And I kept repeating, "Jesus", "Jesus".

I went to my sister's room to check on her. Somehow I had a feeling that this was happening to her also. I shook her leg and tried to wake her up but she wouldn't. I started rebuking demonic forces in Jesus' Name and declaring verses:

"Every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord".

"The Name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and they are safe."

"Call upon the Name of the Lord and be saved".

All this time, my sister was in deep sleep. I felt so much courage inside me as I spoke these words. Then I whispered to my sister: "Call on Jesus' name". And she replied "yeah." Even in her subconscious, she still responded in a call of the spirit. As I left her room, she whispered, "Thank You".

I went back to my room and started singing.

No other Name but the Name of Jesus /No other name but the Name of the Lord /No other Name but the Name of Jesus /is worthy of glory /worthy of honor /worthy of power and of praise

Jesus, what a beautiful Name/Son of Man/Son of God/Lamb that was slain/joy and peace/strength and hope/grace that blows all fear away/Jesus, what a Beautiful name.

For you are glorious/shining victorious/over powers and principalities/For you are glorious/shining victorious/disarming all Your enemies/the rulers of this world/beneath your feet are hurled/as You reign, Our Conquering King

I read my Bible again and was led to Acts 4:12.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.

I knew that it was a moment of spiritual oppression. I remember praying to God before I went to sleep to give me a renewed fear of Him. I guess this was an answered prayer. As I tried to fall back to sleep again, I had a sense of God's awesome presence and a revelation of His Holiness. I also declared: "I will lie down and sleep in peace for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety". Psalm 4:8.

I admit that I have not spent much time with Him as I should this week and last night's experience was a reminder for me to be girded and ready for battle and remain alert because the devil is "a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) I was also glad that I had confessed to him all my sins during the day. Otherwise, the enemy would have used them against me during warfare. What went on last night was a form of spiritual warfare although it is still going on right now as I write. The challenge for me is to get the believers in my family to get down on our knees more and not be lackadaisical in my personal prayer life. Even more so now as I continue with the Glorious Hope recovery program. My friends in my GH group mentioned before that they have been oppressed similarly, through dreams. Last night was my turn. Nevertheless, I know I am not alone. It was a scary experience but I discovered once again how powerful the Name of my Savior is.

Please TROW your THRASH

Patay, dami pa naman nilang ginawang ganito. Marami-raming cubicle din yun.

A Question to those who Know Me Well

I am planning to set up an online boutique. What would be a nice funny name?

Ok, fine, kahit di tayo close, your suggestions are welcome na rin. =)

The one whose name I use will get a freebie from me. I will definitely announce the winner.

Serious 'to.

If you love the Philippines...

...vote wisely.

Dear Fellow Filipino,

Good day to all of you! Before I begin my letter... just a disclaimer, for people who know me they know that I love the Philippines very much and I am not really one who rants and complaints to high heavens about what is happening to our country and does nothing about it, in fact, I feel that at my relatively young age of 27, I have done much service to the Philippines by setting up Pathways to Higher Education which has sent more than 500 poor but deserving students to college and AHON Foundation which has already built two public elementary school libraries that have benefitted more than 3,500 students. Yet, after seeing how events in our nation have transpired the past few weeks and talking with some friends, I feel the urge to share with you my own thoughts and feelings.

Over the weekend, we saw the completion of two major political alliances for this coming Senate Elections that has just began here in the Philippines. Now we have two political forces with familiar faces nonetheless on opposite sides of the fences. On one end, you have Tito Sotto and Tessie Aquino-Oreta who were two major stalwarts of the opposition and the FPJ Campaign in 2004 hobnobbing with the woman (Pres. GMA) whom they claimed to have cheated FPJ in the last Presidential Elections. On the other side of the fence, you see Manny Villar, the former house speaker who was actually responsible for impeaching Erap now part of the United Opposition who is led by no less than... Erap himself. Now if you don't see anything wrong with this picture then you must be one of the many Filipinos who have accepted this very sad reality that there is indeed no permanent ideals that our government leaders stand up for but rather they just go where there self-interests can best be served. It is this kind of politics why I no longer wonder why good people like Ramon Magsaysay award recipients Mayor Jesse Robredo of Naga City or outstanding Bulacan Governor Josie Dela Cruz will find it hard or worse, never be elected to national positions.

It is with these in mind that I'd like to share with you what are events this coming May elections that will make me consider leaving the Philippines:

1.) If former COMELEC Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano of Hello Garci fame wins in his bid to become Congressman of Bukidnon ... seeking to replace a good man no less in incumbent Cong. Neric Acosta... We would really be the laughing stock of the whole world if we allow a man with the reputation of Garci to be one of our so called "Honorable Gentlemen".

2.) If Dancing Queen Tessie Aquino Oreta reclaims her seat at the Senate... I hope that all of us would still remember that dance that she did during the 2001 impeachment hearings after they voted to overrule the decision of then Chief Justice Davide... let us make sure that people like her never make it to the Senate again.

3.) If Richard Gomez becomes a senator... what does he know about making laws? We already have the likes of Bong Revilla and Lito Lapid in the Senate and their performance or lack of it would be reason enough not to elect another actor who has no prior experience in government to the distinguished halls of the Senate.

4.) If Gringo Honasan wins again.... have we not learned our lesson? I cannot believe that just because someone is charismatic then we will just elect him to become one of our senators despite the fact that he has time and again caused so much instability in our country... if we want a military junta similar to that of Thailand ... then lets all vote for this guy....

5.) If Manny Pacquiao becomes Congressman of General Santos City...everybody loves Manny the Boxing Champ but Manny the Lawmaker? (Note from me, Ruby: you might also wanna read my blog "Pacquiao is a Schmuck" at http://rubycube.multiply.com) Lets be realistic here, Manny is our Hero alright but I think it takes more than just great boxing skills and a desire to serve to be able to make appropriate laws that would help uplift the lives of the many Filipinos who live in Poverty.

6.) If Lito Lapid wins for Mayor of Makati City... I don't like Jojo Binay as well but Lito Lapid as city mayor of the country's finance and business center?!?! And do you really think he is from Makati and has good plans for the city? The Arroyos asking someone like him to run just goes to show you how much love and concern this government has for our country.

7.) If Chavit Singson becomes a Senator, Illegal Gambling = Chavit...enough said.

Now if all of these 7 things happen during this coming elections then don't be surprised if many Filipinos decide to leave this country that we love dearly.

Like I said during the first part of my letter, I feel that I have done much for this country but I think its time that Filipinos become more vigilant and critical in selecting our leaders for the sake of our future and the generations that will go beyond us. So I appeal to every Filipino who asks what can I actually do for my country... Choose and vote for the right people this coming elections, huwag na tayong magpaloko sa mga kandidatong maganda lang ang jingle o gwapo lang sa mga poster. Let us choose leaders who have a good track record for service and who are genuinely committed towards serving our country.

Manindigan naman tayong lahat para sa ating Kinabukasan at para sa Kapakanan ng ating Bayan!

Thank you very much for your time in reading this letter.

Sincerely,

Harvey S. Keh

Email: harveykeh@gmail.com

KAILANGANG MABASA ITO NG 80 MILLIONG PILIPINO !!! IPASA NYO NG IPASA!!!

Harvey Keh was my colleague from our Sanggunian days in Ateneo.

Perhaps Love

Translation of the lyrics to the song "Perhaps Love" by J & Howl from Princess Hours (the video is in my media box)

I can’t remember exactly when it was
That my mind began to fill up with thoughts of you.
It all began with just one or two thoughts,
But as each day went by, there were more, and I am confused.
I keep telling you that it’s nothing important
But even that feels awkward.
Is this love? Do you feel the same?
My heart keeps telling me that I’m in love with you.
My heart is shouting to the world that I’m in love with you.
Why have I only heard it now?
The voice keeps telling me that I have finally found love.

I want to tell you how I feel,
But you can probably feel the way I feel.
I am already a part of you as you are a part of me.
We may have already become a part of each other.
Is this love? Do you feel the same?
My heart keeps telling me that I’m in love with you.
My heart is shouting to the world that I’m in love with you.
Why have I only heard it now?
The voice keeps telling me that I have finally found love.

When I think back,
There were so many moments
When I felt my heart was about to burst.
It’s a little late, but I’ll try my best.
I want to be with you. I only want us to share good memories.
Please don’t leave me.
I don’t want us to be apart, even for a moment.
I love you so much.

A Prayer That's Perfect for Me Right Now

" Father, I pray today especially for those who find themselves in a dark place, who see no light on the horizon, who feel the hot blast from the fiery trials, with no sign of relief in sight. Change this painful place into their hiding place where You are near, where You are real...Calm their fears.Quiet their spirits.Remind them that trials are essential if we hope to become Christlike. This I pray through Jesus,who was, Himself, a man of sorrows, aquainted with grief...and who learned the obedience from the things which He suffered. "- A prayer from Charles Swindoll